Blogger Newbie

I've been following a few blogs for a while now.  I never thought my life was interesting enough to have a blog, but I love reading about other people's lives.  It wasn't until Devan Draper began a blog that I thought I might actually start one!  She invited me begin one, so now I have an excuse.  I love the idea of encouraging one another in our relationships with God, our husbands or boyfriends, friends, work, school, etc.

So when I first really thought about beginning a blog, I knew I would need to talk to Adam about it first.  Now, I don't plan to share our deepest, darkest issues and feelings, but I do plan to talk about our relationship.  So he has to be ok with it.  Plus, I don't hide things from my husband.  I'm a newlywed, but I do know hiding things is a no no :)  The thing is, I already knew how Adam felt about blogs.  He doesn't understand why people would want to get on the internet, voice their opinions, talk about their feelings, when no one has asked to hear any of it.  I was dreading talking to him about it, cause I knew I would feel stupid.  So when he came home for lunch one day, I reluctantly decided to ask him about it.  He came in and asked me what I was doing. 
"Reading Devan's blog," I replied.
"Oh really?  I didn't know she blogged," he replied.
"Yeah, it's about her struggles and daily life stuff, and then she can get advice from other people.  I'm thinking about starting one if that's alright with you."
"What for?" he said.  (He wasn't being mean, just asking.)
That's when I burst into tears.  "I just thought it would be neat to get advice from other people and to lift each other up and to be there for each other.  It's like a ladies' group or something."  (I said all of this in between sobs.)
"Ok honey, ok why are you crying?  That sounds like it would be good."

I don't know why I got so emotional...because I was embarrassed probably.  I knew he would think I was silly for wanting to write on the internet.  But I really just wanted to be a part of something positive where I can seek advice from Christian women.  It is SOOO hard being a newlywed.  I know it's supposed to be blissful, and it is, but it is also hard work.  I thought I knew it would be hard, but sometimes it's really hard.  But it is never TOO hard.  Nothing is TOO hard with God. 

So now that I have told Adam, and he is supporting me (hardest part done!), now I begin blogging.  If you know me at all, you know I'm pretty OCD.  I'm a teacher.  Let's face it.  I'm OCD.  So as soon as I signed up for my blog (which only took forever trying to find a good URL), I began looking at templates.  Oh dear.  I could look at those all day.  I wanted the perfect template.  I'm so lame; I'm aware.  So I found one; it's pretty cute.  Then I hard to start writing.  I realized I began looking for spelling errors, gramatical errors, etc.  I'm OCD.  So...to truly blog you have to forget about all that.  It has to be "readable" yes, but it also has to be your honest, true thoughts.  Not doctored up.  So I'm working on that!  I don't want to be OCD on my blog.  Please give me the freedom to not be OCD on here.  I'm a teacher, but don't judge my errors!  Thank you :)

I'm not a very transparent person.  Adam says I am, but he's my husband.  He can always look at me and know how I'm feeling.  But to the world, I don't tell much, don't have many opinions, and try to stand in the back.  I want to be perfect to the world.  That's why I'm not sure how good at blogging I will be.  I don't like to be transparent.  I don't like for others to know that I struggle, am not perfect, and am not the best Christian.  I don't want people to know that. 

But then I started thinking....I don't want to be that way.  I want people to know what that I share their struggles, I get angry, I "try" to find time to spend with God (we all have time, we just don't think we do).  I want people to know that a real Christian is not "holier than thou" and does not know everything.  I wish I knew half of the stuff people I go to church with know.  But I don't.  I want the world to know I am unperfect, because then I can show them that I have to daily rely upon God.  My marriage is NOT perfect.  In our selfishness, we would love to appear perfect.  But then we would not be the representation that God intended us to be.  To love inspite of our inperfections.  To be submissive even when the other is not what we think they should be.  We are to love because that's what we were called to do.  Not because the other deserves it.  We don't deserve anything.  I know this post is getting lengthy, and I'm sorry.  I just want you to know that I am starting this blog because I want to grow.  I want to learn from other Christian women, learn to rely upon God for EVERYTHING, and I want to be able to look back on my posts, good and bad, and see how much I have learned and grown in Christ and through my relationships with others.