A BIGGER update than I intended.

Well, why not write a blog post?  I literally never get on the computer anymore.  I just don't have the time!  I do get on my phone though, but I can't blog from it.  I have several posts on here that I have started, from months ago, and just never finished.  

I have thought several times about hopping on here at night and catching up on things.  But I just have not really been interested in blogging the last several months.  I still read a few blogs, but I haven't been interested in writing.  I have felt really private and reflective since Jude was born.  I think after having August, I was so into sharing my knowledge and experience, thinking I was helping others.  I thought I had it all figured out, haha.  After having Jude, I am realizing how silly I sounded just a year or two ago.  It is hard having one new baby....but having two babies at once is very, very hard.  It is also very humbling.  I am listening, reading, talking with women in my life and getting their perspective on child-rearing.  No longer handing out much of my own advice.  I'm soaking up others' experiences like a sponge.

I have also been reflecting a lot lately.  I feel like I am keeping a continuous, private blog in my head.  Always recording memories, thoughts, struggles, successes.  I have been wanting to start journaling, just for myself as something to work through and be able to look back on, but it seems like it takes too long to write down everything I'm thinking.  It's also hard to be as honest on paper as I am in my head.  I just have really been wanting to document this stage in my life.  I know it is one of the hardest stages in my life, but it will also be one of the shortest.  Jude is already 5 months old (tomorrow), and August is fixing to turn 21 months old.  I have no idea where the time has gone.

I have mostly been trying to find balance lately.  Trying to figure out how to balance Bible study, quality time with each child, house work, fixing meals, working out, getting out of the house, ministering to others in our church and in our community, trying to find an outlet for myself outside of the house, and of course time with Adam.  I can't figure out the perfect balance.  It's hard to feel like I have done everything I should do in a day.  I'm trying to figure out what things need to be a priority.  To me they all sound like priorities, but I find myself unsatisfied if I don't get to all of these things in a day.  But of course, there is no way to fit all of that in, in one day.  Especially when you are working around breakfast, nap, lunch, nap, dinner, and early bed time with kiddos.  I think I need to just figure out what is needed and do-able in this season of life.  There will be other seasons that may be better for other things.  I have been changing up our schedule lately, trying to figure out the best order of things.  Here is how we are doing things right now on days where we don't go anywhere.  No set times really, just more of a routine.

-I wake up and nurse Jude around 7 or so.  He nurses and goes back to sleep.  (He sleeps in a bassinet in the playroom right now.
- I workout in the living room.  I may or may not get interrupted by August.
- I get both boys up.  August drinks his milk while I nurse Jude.
- I make breakfast and get laundry started.
- Breakfast.  August eats oatmeal, and I have a smoothie.  My smoothie is made with almond milk since Jude doesn't tolerate dairy.
- Jude plays while we eat breakfast.
- August plays with Jude and watches Sesame Street while I clean up breakfast and get my housework started.  I hate Abby's Flying Fairy School.  So dumb.
- I nurse Jude and lay him down for his morning nap.
- I put August in the playroom, and I do my Bible study in the kitchen.
- After I finish, I play with August in the playroom.
- I switch over the laundry at some point.
- Jude wakes up after napping, anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours.
- Adam comes home for lunch, and he plays with August while I nurse Jude.  Some days I fix Adam's lunch, and some days he fixes his own depending on what I have going on.
- August has lunch.  These days he will only eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (sometimes, now I think he is getting burnt out on them), grilled cheese sandwich, yogurt, fruit, graham crackers, or anything sweet.  He is super picky.
- Jude plays while August eats.
- August takes a nap.  Haha, yeah right.  :) I lay August down, and I make him stay back there for 2 hours.  Most days he does not sleep.  I used to always lay him down by 1:00, but I have figured out in the last week that if I wait until 2:00 to lay him down, he might sleep.  He was getting to where he never slept, which makes for very hard afternoons.
- I play with Jude until it's time for him to nap again.  We have been working on rolling over lately. :)
- I nurse Jude and then lay him down for a nap.
- Now is my time to get my chores for the day done.  But what usually happens is I sit down to finally have my lunch, or if I happen to have already eaten, I will have a snack.  Then sometimes I fall asleep.  I have been SO tired lately.  I think I'm staying up too late.  But I usually at least keep the laundry going. :)
- I get the boys up, nurse Jude, and August has a snack.  He usually has milk and graham crackers.
- I start supper while the boys play.  August is good at entertaining Jude.  He likes to make him smile and picks his toys up when Jude drops them.  I keep Jude in his swing or exersaucer when I can't sit with them and closely supervise.
- Adam comes home and plays with the boys while I get supper ready. 
- We eat supper together.  August rarely has what we are having.  I need to work on that.  Jude sits in his car seat on the table.  He is a beautiful center piece. :)
- After supper, Adam and August play, and Jude and I watch. :) Jude will nurse now if it has been a while.
- Adam bathes the boys while I get their pajamas ready, catch up on laundry, and straighten up the house.
- We get the boys ready for bed and say prayers together as a family.
- We tuck August in and then I go in the playroom and nurse Jude until he's sleepy, which doesn't take long.  This is my favorite part of the day with Jude.  Everything is done, and I just get to cuddle him and stare at him.  It's bliss.
- After the boys are in bed, Adam and I hang out or I catch up on laundry folding.  Laundry folding and putting away is my biggest downfall.  I never make enough time for it.
- After I get myself ready for bed, I go in and nurse Jude again, just so I can get as much sleep as possible.  He doesn't really wake up.  It's more of a "dream feed."  I nurse him anytime between 10 and midnight, and he will sleep until 7 the next morning.  It's wonderful.
- Then we do the day all over again!

When I type it out, it doesn't sound that busy.  But I am moving non stop!  I don't know where all the time goes.  I think it's mostly getting food ready, cleaning up food, cleaning up August, feeding Jude, cleaning Jude up (he spits up a lot), spraying out poopy cloth diapers (cloth diapering two is a lot of work!), etc.  Just always something to do. 

Well, I'll give a short update on the boys.  August will be 21 months old in a few days.  I jotted down an 18 month update for him a few weeks ago, but never blogged about it.  He is SO verbal.  He talks about everything.  Constantly. He is getting good at communicating with us.  He speaks his own language of course, but I understand what he is saying most of the time. His favorite thing ever is "ball."  He is obsessed with ball.  Always wants to play ball.  He also loves to go outside, which has been hard in these freezing temps.  He is also testing us lately, and has started throwing tantrums, which is hard.  I'm talking face down on the floor screaming tantrums.  It's a hard stage for all of us. 

Jude is quite the opposite right now. He is such an easy baby.  I'm so spoiled.  He is smiling all the time.  The hardest thing with him is that he doesn't want to be left alone.  He is very social and is always wanting attention.  But he is so happy when he gets it, that I don't mind giving it to him.  He very very rarely cries, and when he does cry it's usually because he is sleepy.  I don't give him much opportunity to be hungry, haha.  He is such a sweet boy.  He also has some chubby thighs!  I just wanna bite them!  He is not rolling over yet, but I'm not too worried. He will do it in his own time.  He has already sat up on his own a couple times.  He has one bottom tooth in, and I just saw that the one next to it has poked through tonight!  He is such a big boy.  I weighed him tonight, and our scale said 16.8 pounds which is probably somewhere around 16 pounds 12 ounces or so.  He is so big!  I'm so so thankful breastfeeding is working this time.  He is a champ nurser.  He usually does 4-5 minutes on one side.  Sometimes he will take the other side, but usually not. 

Well, this turned into a much bigger update than I intended.  Haha wow.  I need to get to bed.  I hope y'all are doing well!  Maybe I will get back into this blogging thing.  We will see. :)  Here are some pics!  Nevermind, stupid Blogger won't upload them, AS USUAL.  I don't have time for that.  Goodnight. :)