Saturday, July 31, 2010

Ready and Willing!

My life has been CONSUMED with prek lately. When I'm not working on my classroom, I'm reading about teaching prek, and when I'm not doing that, I'm dreaming that I'm a failure at teaching prek. Our house is a mess because I've been so busy, and I can't remember the last time I cooked supper. I know it hasn't been this week at all. I feel guilty for letting things slide, but this prek room was one huge feat. It was literally a storage room. My garage is now FULL of prek things.

It is hard to believe the classroom still has so much in it, but it is looking awesome!  (I will post pics of it later.)  Sarah Burns and my mom have been a HUGE help.  They have both been over there several times during the week and stayed for hours.  I wouldn't have been able to get everything done without them.  I went over today and completed my hallway, door, and put in a little something extra from my mom. 
The quote says "We worry what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget he is someone today."  I love that quote!  It's so true. 
The door....(get it HOPPING into Prek....cause I'm a HARE......get it???  Hahaha.)  Anyway.  On the side is the back end of a hare hopping into the classroom.  I thought it was a cute idea.  Sarah said it was pretty cheesy, but hey, it's prek.  I'm allowed to be cheesy :)  Ignore the fact that it says "Mrs. Knowles" next to my door.  That's the teacher that retired. My name isn't up yet. The orange things are carrots with the kids' names on them :)
The hare statue is from my mom.  I have decided to call it "Taddle Bunny."  Whenever the kids feel like taddling on one another, I will tell them to go tell it to the Taddle Bunny.  I have a feeling if they stand there long enough and taddle to a statue, they will begin to feel pretty silly.  No more taddling for them :)
I'm really excited about teaching prek.  It's amazing how God has worked everything out for me to have this job.  I always told myself that if God ever placed me in prek, it would be to test my patience.  Pre-k takes SOO much patience.  I always thought I would teach 5th grade, but the Lord placed me here.  I know I will be tested to my limits and my patience will be pushed, but the Lord put me here to grow me.  James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  This verse (which, Devan, I did have to look it up to see where it was, so I will be memorizing this one.) is what I will focus on.  Don't get me wrong!!!  I'm VERY excited about teaching prek.  But I know that it is the more challenging road for me.  I like quiet work, desks, experiments, discussions, etc. which is so not prek.  But I am willing and eager to grow and learn.  The peace I have is that God put me in this job and He will see me through.  So in the meantime, I am preparing like crazy!  This will be a new adventure, and I am not going to miss the opportunity for God to use me (Thank you Devan!)  I know he can use me within the school, the county, with the parents, and hopefully as a light to the children.  I am going to be ready and willing for the challenge!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Blogger Newbie

I've been following a few blogs for a while now.  I never thought my life was interesting enough to have a blog, but I love reading about other people's lives.  It wasn't until Devan Draper began a blog that I thought I might actually start one!  She invited me begin one, so now I have an excuse.  I love the idea of encouraging one another in our relationships with God, our husbands or boyfriends, friends, work, school, etc.

So when I first really thought about beginning a blog, I knew I would need to talk to Adam about it first.  Now, I don't plan to share our deepest, darkest issues and feelings, but I do plan to talk about our relationship.  So he has to be ok with it.  Plus, I don't hide things from my husband.  I'm a newlywed, but I do know hiding things is a no no :)  The thing is, I already knew how Adam felt about blogs.  He doesn't understand why people would want to get on the internet, voice their opinions, talk about their feelings, when no one has asked to hear any of it.  I was dreading talking to him about it, cause I knew I would feel stupid.  So when he came home for lunch one day, I reluctantly decided to ask him about it.  He came in and asked me what I was doing. 
"Reading Devan's blog," I replied.
"Oh really?  I didn't know she blogged," he replied.
"Yeah, it's about her struggles and daily life stuff, and then she can get advice from other people.  I'm thinking about starting one if that's alright with you."
"What for?" he said.  (He wasn't being mean, just asking.)
That's when I burst into tears.  "I just thought it would be neat to get advice from other people and to lift each other up and to be there for each other.  It's like a ladies' group or something."  (I said all of this in between sobs.)
"Ok honey, ok why are you crying?  That sounds like it would be good."

I don't know why I got so emotional...because I was embarrassed probably.  I knew he would think I was silly for wanting to write on the internet.  But I really just wanted to be a part of something positive where I can seek advice from Christian women.  It is SOOO hard being a newlywed.  I know it's supposed to be blissful, and it is, but it is also hard work.  I thought I knew it would be hard, but sometimes it's really hard.  But it is never TOO hard.  Nothing is TOO hard with God. 

So now that I have told Adam, and he is supporting me (hardest part done!), now I begin blogging.  If you know me at all, you know I'm pretty OCD.  I'm a teacher.  Let's face it.  I'm OCD.  So as soon as I signed up for my blog (which only took forever trying to find a good URL), I began looking at templates.  Oh dear.  I could look at those all day.  I wanted the perfect template.  I'm so lame; I'm aware.  So I found one; it's pretty cute.  Then I hard to start writing.  I realized I began looking for spelling errors, gramatical errors, etc.  I'm OCD. truly blog you have to forget about all that.  It has to be "readable" yes, but it also has to be your honest, true thoughts.  Not doctored up.  So I'm working on that!  I don't want to be OCD on my blog.  Please give me the freedom to not be OCD on here.  I'm a teacher, but don't judge my errors!  Thank you :)

I'm not a very transparent person.  Adam says I am, but he's my husband.  He can always look at me and know how I'm feeling.  But to the world, I don't tell much, don't have many opinions, and try to stand in the back.  I want to be perfect to the world.  That's why I'm not sure how good at blogging I will be.  I don't like to be transparent.  I don't like for others to know that I struggle, am not perfect, and am not the best Christian.  I don't want people to know that. 

But then I started thinking....I don't want to be that way.  I want people to know what that I share their struggles, I get angry, I "try" to find time to spend with God (we all have time, we just don't think we do).  I want people to know that a real Christian is not "holier than thou" and does not know everything.  I wish I knew half of the stuff people I go to church with know.  But I don't.  I want the world to know I am unperfect, because then I can show them that I have to daily rely upon God.  My marriage is NOT perfect.  In our selfishness, we would love to appear perfect.  But then we would not be the representation that God intended us to be.  To love inspite of our inperfections.  To be submissive even when the other is not what we think they should be.  We are to love because that's what we were called to do.  Not because the other deserves it.  We don't deserve anything.  I know this post is getting lengthy, and I'm sorry.  I just want you to know that I am starting this blog because I want to grow.  I want to learn from other Christian women, learn to rely upon God for EVERYTHING, and I want to be able to look back on my posts, good and bad, and see how much I have learned and grown in Christ and through my relationships with others.
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